i got a taste of the life of popular people. not because i’ve become popular for a moment myself… but because i’ve watched up close. who knew a simple science lab group made up of beautiful and hot people trying to dissect a disgusting smelly earthworm would become such a majestic 30 minute paradise for me? and yet, at the same time, this same lab made me feel so… worthless. what have i done to myself? of course popular people at my school just can’t be stereotypical boring old beautiful with nothing inside kinds of people, they’re beautiful and good at making jokes and good at making people feel comfortable and good at talking and good at rebuttals and good at making smiles happen. and they’re not dumb, it’s just that boring studying for hours seriously isn’t their focus and just totally doesn’t match up with their personalities. its like they have a special popularity adhd.
and then there are those even better people that exist at my school. those who aren’t only beautifully popular, but also masterfully intelligent, taking 6 ap courses and having 600 extracurricular activities like it’s nothing. in comparison with myself… why can’t the world have balanced it out? i’m plain, i can’t talk, i’m dumb…
and when i think about what i do have, i can only think of the million other people that exist in this world that either also have the trait or have it even better than me.
what is my role in life? just to be an employee at some place and have a family and just disappear, being known by only a couple few as a mother and nothing else? i’m not going to become a next einstein or shakespeare or anything? did i not dream big enough? i’m only 14, and already thinking it’s too late to change myself for the better. i want to go to stanford someday? yeah, nope.